I hate you

First, I just want to say I really need to vent.

I hate you. I hate you for what you did to me && what you made me become. If not for you doing this to me would I be normal? I am so insecure && I second guess everything && everyone. I push the ones who mean the most to me away because of you. Are you happy? How does it feel to know you ruined my life? Well don't be too happy. You weren't the first. You weren't the last. Four different guys, four different times. I still wonder why I'm even still here. I hate life. Only three reasons I love it. My daughter, my family, && of course Josh. They're the reason I even care to still exist. You make me try to push him away. I'm afraid to get close because I'm afraid I'll get hurt. I'm afraid to trust anyone because at one time I trusted all four of you.

Four years old. What kind of sick fuck does that?

Ten years old. You don't do that to family.

Eighteen years old. Fuck you. You were supposed to be my friend and instead you tried to take advantage of me. Not once but twice. What part of "We're just friends didn't" you understand? You ruined my prom so thanks prick.

Nineteen years old. My stupid ass thought I loved you. 'No' means no. Next time someone says no, listen. Then you might not end up with a kid you're not ready for. Even though it's already to late. Well I love MY daughter. Maybe you && your skank ass girlfriend will have some babies && you'll forget me && my daughter. Wishful thinking.

Ok I'm done.

Doctor

I really need to go to the doctor. I've put it off for waaay to long. But I don't exactly have the extra money nor do I want to go. But I really need to. My ribs are still dislocated after a year && a half && now i'm having problems with my jaw. Like when I wake up, sometimes i can only open it so far. After a few hours it'll eventually open all the way but it's just started within the last month or so. It's really weird. My back hurts all the time because of my ribs && it's all just really old. eventually i suppose i'll go.

Another lovely day at work

it seems so funny to me that when people find out that i'm looking for a new job i get a ton of 'don't quit' and so on. its like oh lets treat her like shit and then i get fed up and its don't go. we love you blah blah blah. people need to make up their mind.

Where to begin?

so this is my first blog on here! my good friend roxanne suggested i start one && the more i thought about it the more i liked the idea. this way i can get things off my chest && not have to worry about certain people reading whats going on in my life. this way my daughters family don't have to know all MY business. i don't really have a whole lot to say right now. i actually think i'm going to go to bed since its 4:35 a.m. the little one is awake too. night!